So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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