i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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