It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
