Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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