My brain says no but my pants say off.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
