my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
