He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
