I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
