**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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