Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
