And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
