I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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