I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
I AM VODKA MAN
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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