The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize