oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
