Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
