Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
