I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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