the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
