Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
birth control should be required to get into college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
