Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
