Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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