epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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