My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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