I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
