I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
