thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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