how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
