i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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