I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
