I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
