my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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