yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
