I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
