A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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