oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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