that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
