for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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