I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
