I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
