I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
