I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
