hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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