I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
