From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
