Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
