I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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