My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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