i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
