are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
