I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
