im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
