He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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