u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we're so committed to being not committed
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
