OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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