Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
