In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
