I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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