I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
