Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
