He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
