Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
