Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's never too late to be topless.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
