Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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