That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
