it's like iHOP with fire
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
