I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
