you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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