the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
