I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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