I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
