the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
