so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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