Already got asked if we're dating
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
