I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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