the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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