Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
