the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
