Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
