Got a toothbrush?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
