Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
