dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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